The Window and The Mirror
Filed under: Core Values, Leadership Callling, Personal Development, Servant Leader
I have always been an Alabama football fan since the days of Coach Bryant. One of the things I always appreciated about him was when we lost a game he always took the responsibility in the press conference and never cast blame toward the players or officials.
According to Jim Collins in his best seller Good to Great all great leaders do the very same thing. His team noticed this pattern in all of the very successful leaders and they called it the window and the mirror effect.
All great leaders would look out the window and give credit to other people and not themselves when things were going well. At the same time, they would look in the mirror to assume responsibility for failure and never blame bad luck or someone else when things went poorly.
The comparison companies did just the opposite. These leaders would look out the window to blame someone or something when they experienced negative results. When they did get it right they would look admiringly in the mirror and take all the credit with great fanfare.
We all need to apply this lesson on a personal level. It is always easy to justify our bad behavior when we can use what someone else said or did to hurt us as an excuse. Assuming personal responsibility for our attitudes, words and actions is the first major step in becoming a leader who is driven by character and not by the fading recognition of the crowd.
Definition of Balanced Life
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development, Time Management
All of us feel like we have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. We have priorities in many different areas: our career, family, relationships, entertainment, faith and own personal life. We also fulfill many roles as employees, fathers, husbands, wives, mothers, and friends just to name a few.
Somehow we have developed this concept that true happiness and success comes when all of these areas and roles are in perfect balance. It is as if they all have equal percentages of our time, energy and passion.
Realistically we all know that is an impossible goal to accomplish. Our career alone demands a ever growing disproportionate amount of our time and if you have a newborn child in your house all bets are off including time to sleep.
To me a balanced life means that all of these areas as well as our different roles will constantly be changing in the amount of resources they demand. The critical factor is not to let anything that is important in your life be totally neglected to the point that you are now failing in that area because all of the other things have drained you to the point you have nothing left to give.
When you reach that point and we all do from time to time we must reprioritize our lives so that everything important gets its slot on our calendars. This will mean that something else will have to get less or be eliminated all together.
Believe it or not sometimes we need to not go to the new latest and greatest parenting conference and just stay at home and play with our children. Life can be crazy and its demands will change with each new day.
When you have the character and courage to assume the responsibility of leading your total life you will make sure that nothing major falls through the cracks. Enjoy your day!!
Goals vs. Desires
Filed under: Core Values, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed. We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results.
The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires. A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome. On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome.
For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive. Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal.
In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself. In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal.
We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us. Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us.
This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives. None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character.
The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.
Timing Is Everything
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
In many situations leaders know what needs to be done to move forward and even how it should be done but they fail on the when it should be done question. If you try to put a major change initiative in place that is really needed but the climate for change is not urgent then a very good idea is going to die and the organization will continue to fail.
In John Maxwell’s book on The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership he talks about the Law of Timing. According to Maxwell great leaders recognize that when to lead is as important as what to do and where to go. Every time a leader makes a move, there are really only four outcomes that can result:
1. The wrong action at the wrong time leads to disaster.
2. The right action at the wrong time brings resistance.
3. The wrong action at the right time is a mistake.
4. The right action at the right time results in success.
Timing is also very important in our personal lives when we are faced with a major decision or even a relationship issue that needs to be resolved. Sometimes because we think we are right about something that gives us a blank check on saying something to the other person whenever we want.
We must say the right thing in the right way but most important at the right time. When our teenagers come home with very bad test score in tears, it is probably not the right time for the thirty minute lecture on WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO STUDY!!!!
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
We all struggle with the commitments we make either to ourselves about eating a healthier diet or to someone else about something we said we would do and simply forgot. When we want to take our commitment to the next level we start making promises.
A promise is defined as a declaration that something will or will not be done and there is assurance given and an expectation created. Promises should be reserved for the top priorities and the people we care about the most.
One promise we should all be willing to make to the people that matter is that I will carefully listen to what you have to say. As Stephen Covey said in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People we should first seek to understand the other person before we ask to be understood.
Our motives are no longer to show how smart we are, win the argument or avoid pain. We sincerely want to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling to the point we acknowledge their value as a person.
Listening involves time and a willingness to be patient until we have embraced all that the other person wanted to share. Think of at least one person in your life today that you really care about and make a promise that I will lay down my agenda for the benefit of someone else.
Are you listening?
I Incorporated
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
Many of us have some type of leadership responsibility at work. We are involved in setting goals, identifying priorities, problem solving and even casting vision. Over the years we develop a skill set that enables us to do all of these things and more.
There is a lot of culture shift taking place in the corporate world from the old days of working with one company your entire career to now almost viewing yourself as a free agent always looking for best situation.
There are many good aspects to this new reality and some that are not. This shift in expectations should never excuse us from coming to work every day and performing with excellence regardless of how long we stay in one place.
The important truth for all of us to realize is that we are The Leader and The C.E.O. of our own life. We have a responsibility to lead ourselves before we can effectively add value to other people.
We need to take this same skill set that has served us well at work and start applying the same disciplines at home.
What are the priorities and goals that you have for your life that are based on your core values?
Are they written down and do you evaluate your progress just like you would on any project at work?
Do you have a vision for where you want your personal life to be in one, two, and even five years down the road?
Someone has well said, you will be the same person five years from now that you are today except for two things, the books you read and the people you know. That is great advice for any new C.E.O. including you.
Walk The Talk
Ultimately everything we do outwardly is driven by all of our inner attitudes about what is important and what is not. If our actions are not what they should be we must first change what we believe to be true before we can see bad habits broken and new good ones take their place.
I think the most important attitude you must draw from everyday is gratitude. The media is almost totally focused on all that we are losing in this down cycle. The pain is real and there are significant problems that must be solved. However, almost all of us still have plenty to eat, a nice place to sleep and friends and family that care about us. Think about what is really important today and be grateful.
The second important thing to me is hope. As we deal with the reality of lost jobs and endless bad news we must have a picture of a better day ahead. Hope fuels a positive attitude about life when the majority of people are negative. We may not be able to change the global economy or Wall Street but we can change ourselves.
Finally we must be people who are committed. Your passion about life is what will move you beyond the pain of the present. The promises we make and keep to ourselves and the people we care about the most is the sum total of who you really are as a person. If what say you believe is not moving you to act everyday then you really did not believe it after all.
Remember the old saying, what you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.
Parenting Expectations
It is incredibly important that we all have realistic expectations as parents for our children. We should want them to develop character, succeed academically, respect authority and grow in their faith.
However, the reality is they are going to fail in every one of these areas and many more on their journey towards becoming successful adults. When they do fail, we as parents must care enough to take the time to correct them for the mistakes and then encourage them to restore their confidence. They will need to learn to deal with the consequences of bad decisions and on the other hand not break their spirit so they give up on life.
Many times this process fails because we as parents have placed our own personal expectations on top of the ones we already have for our children. We are vicariously living our lives through them instead of for them.
If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that when we overreact because they fail it is partially because we have failed as well. Our own emotional needs to be successful parents have been added to the relationship to the point that our expectations for them are now totally unrealistic.
Constantly check your motives and make sure this is primarily about what is best for them and not about me. Growing up today is hard enough without them having to take on the extra burden of making us feel good about ourselves. That is our responsibility.
Personal Crisis
Filed under: Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
When negative things are happening in your life and you feel like you are in a deep hole and cannot see how to get out there are three key personal leadership disciplines that will help you get your positive momentum back.
The first is perspective. When things are not going well today it is very important to put the present in the context of the long look that includes both the past and the future. All of life both the good and the bad tend to run in cycles. You cannot choose many times the circumstances about what happens to you but it is your responsibility to choose how you respond to them.
Adversity in life will either make you a better person or a bitter one and that choice is within your control. The key thing about your past is you must learn from it but never live in it. Failure never has to be final unless we let it.
The same is true about the future. You can choose to watch the news 3 hours a day and live with fear, worry and doubt or you can be grateful for what you have and face the future with hope and a positive attitude.
The second personal leadership discipline in dealing with change is priorities. The one incredibly good thing about a down cycle is that it always forces us to separate what is important in life from what is not.
We must start by not asking the question what have I lost but what do I still have? I would encourage you to write down everything that is still in your life that is important and when you see it all you will be amazed by how blessed you really are.
Someone has well said the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but we wait so long to begin it. Regardless of your age or stage of life this dramatic period of change we are all going through is the perfect time for you to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life. If you need some help get a life coach to walk through this process with you.
The third discipline to deal with change is to be proactive. When some people face dramatic change they choose to live in denial as if this is not really happening to me. On the other extreme others know the change is real to the point of becoming emotionally depressed about their new state of life.
I must assume personal responsibility to change myself first and start leading myself by making good daily decisions before my life can begin to turn around in different direction. The only way to do that is to do what you can with what you have right where you are and do it today with all your heart.
Segmentation
Filed under: Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
The natural tendency of every Christian is to divide their lives into multiple pieces. We have our personal, family, career, church, friends and civic roles.
With this mindset comes the danger of segmentation between the secular and the sacred parts of our lives. We go to church on Sunday and check off that faith box for the week and then we move on to the rest of our lives.
I am convinced that the scriptures teach that in God’s mind this artificial division was never intended. The Holy Spirit wants to give leadership to everything we do so that we live sacred lives in a secular world.
Our Heavenly Father is just as concerned about how you respond to your family at home and how you react to other people at work as He is about two hours on one day of the week. The Christian life is intended to be a relationship and a partnership with God as He impacts other people through every aspect of our lives.
The calling that God has placed on all of us as believers is not primarily about going to church but being the church. When we reach this point of spiritual integration it all becomes about Him and them and no longer about me.