Segmentation
Filed under: Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
The natural tendency of every Christian is to divide their lives into multiple pieces. We have our personal, family, career, church, friends and civic roles.
With this mindset comes the danger of segmentation between the secular and the sacred parts of our lives. We go to church on Sunday and check off that faith box for the week and then we move on to the rest of our lives.
I am convinced that the scriptures teach that in God’s mind this artificial division was never intended. The Holy Spirit wants to give leadership to everything we do so that we live sacred lives in a secular world.
Our Heavenly Father is just as concerned about how you respond to your family at home and how you react to other people at work as He is about two hours on one day of the week. The Christian life is intended to be a relationship and a partnership with God as He impacts other people through every aspect of our lives.
The calling that God has placed on all of us as believers is not primarily about going to church but being the church. When we reach this point of spiritual integration it all becomes about Him and them and no longer about me.
Security and Significance Part III
Filed under: Family Ministry, Marriage, Personal Development
God has designed us so that the most important needs in our lives can only be met through Him. His next priority is for us to be in a relationship with our spouse that reflects Christ unconditional love for the church and His willing submission to the will of the Father.
The trap I mentioned in the last post is that we can move our faith to the top of the list of personal priorities but we can substitute church for Christ. Church in many ways is just like the emotional support we get from our career.
We can serve in an important role and gain significance through our responsibilities and tremendous encouragement from all the people we help. Although these are certainly good things the danger of religion taking the place of a relationship is always emotionally seductive.
Even with faith at the top of the list and family in second place there are dangers there as well. When husbands and wives do not place their personal relationship above all other people and the pain of rejection starts hurting both parties they move their remaining emotional energy to the children.
After all doing what is best for the children is a worthy goal and it brings great emotional significance. It can be easy to justify hanging in a bad marriage “for the sake of the children.”
There is only one major problem, it will never work. The most loving thing a parent can ever do for a child is to love God in a passionate real way and love their spouse with grace and humility.
Other people and other things can never give us what only God can provide unconditional love and lasting significance. Beyond that the single most important relationship that we have in this life is with our spouse. Church and children can be dangerous temporary substitutes but they too will leave us empty in the end.
Security and Significance Part II
Filed under: Family Ministry, Marriage, Personal Development
The need to be unconditionally loved and to know that our lives have value and meaning are fundamental to every person on the planet. We all must have these needs met to some degree and therefore we will keep searching until we find some measure of fulfillment.
We start out in life with our family being the major source of love, protection and encouragement. When we are in high school and even through our twenties a transition takes place and the two major sources of meeting these needs are now fun and friends. That is why being a part of some community moves to the top of most young adult’s agenda and they will pay any price to be accepted.
By the time we reach our late twenties we have to start thinking about the future and a career. For many people the success and emotional support that is offered through work moves this provider to the top of the list.
Family moves back into the list when we get married and eventually start having children of our own. We even now feel the need to get back in church again so that our children can get what they need as well.
Faith and Family surely will be the answer to meeting our deepest emotional needs for security and significance. Actually, they can become the biggest trap because even though they are good things they can keep you from the best.
Security and Significance
Filed under: Family Ministry, Marriage, Personal Development
The two major things that all people are searching for in life are security and significance. Security is the understanding that I am unconditionally loved and significance means that my life has value and meaning.
Most of the time we are searching for both of these needs in all of the wrong places. We try to find unconditional love in human relationships that all inevitably fail us to some degree and cause pain.
Then we look to our career, church and children to give us the meaning and validation in life that we so desperately need. Here again although all of these are quote good things and can give us some degree of significance they to in the end leave us wanting more.
All human relationships are important and being successful in every area of our lives should be our goal. However, the major truth here we are missing is that we can never look to other people or things to give us what only God can provide.
When our relationship with God is first and His mission for our life is the ultimate measure of our success then all other relationships and endeavors play a secondary role and become complimentary and not primary.
Then when the pain, failure and rejection come in this life they can always be measured against the grace and peace that only God can give. The assurance that He will never leave us and nothing can separate us from His love gives us the courage to risk living life to the fullest.
In the end He is enough.
Family Matters
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
I have never known a successful leader who did not know how to establish goals, develop plans, execute priorities and finally evaluate success in their career. The old saying about goals is true, if you cannot measure them, then they really don’t matter.
However, tragically for most people that is exactly what happens to them in their personal lives. They say this part is ultimately the most important but they never take the time to write down what they want their legacy to be for the people that matter the most.
Because the personal does not get the priority of the professional the family usually ends up with the leftovers. Leftover time, passion, affection and energy.
I have know people who can make million dollar decisions at work without blinking but by the time they get home they do not have enough emotional energy to decide if they want hamburgers or soup for dinner. They have been nice to other people all day, co-workers, suppliers and customers only to come home and be so fried they have to retreat to the T.V. because they have nothing left for spouse or children.
Someone has well said that the person who cannot see the ultimate always becomes a slave to the immediate. Meaningful relationships with family and bottom line professional results are not mutually exclusive but you must be willing to pay personal leadership price to have both.
Marginless Living
Filed under: Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
In yesterday’s blog I talked about the need to create margin in our lives. Margin is the space that used to exist in all of our lives between all the physical, emotional and mental pressures of every day and our capacity to respond in a meaningful way to all of the people and circumstances that we must address.
The lack of margin is exactly the opposite when we have too many demands and not enough resources. For most of us the public parts of our lives centered around our work life demands its percentage first. I know people who can make million dollar decisions all day long at the office only to be so spent by the end of the day they can’t even decide if they want pizza or hamburgers for dinner.
They put other people first all day whether they are customers or co-workers only to come home with nothing left for a lonely spouse or stressed out children. We may feel successful at times because of all the public praise that comes with making your numbers but at the end of the day we know something is terribly wrong.
Whatever it takes all of us must find the courage to stake out some core values that are non-negotiable. This will allow us maybe for the first time in our lives to have the margin we need to live the life we want rather than the one someone else has scripted for us.
You have the capacity to write your own script, so take out your pen and start writing.