The Importance of Knowing Life Purpose
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development, Time Management
In a day when our calendars are beyond full and yet our lives seem to be empty something has gone wrong. We in many cases have assumed because we are busy the things we are doing must be important.
We clearly have shifted the focus from being as a person to doing and what we are able to accomplish. Technology has helped us in many cases simply to do the wrong things faster.
The great paradoxes of our time have been summed up well by the Dalai Lama:
“We have more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense…more knowledge but less judgment.
More experts, but more problems.
More medicines, but less healthiness.
We have been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We build more computers to hold more information that produce more copies than ever before, but have less communication.
We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods but weak digestion.
It is a time when there is much in the window but nothing in the room.”
For many of us we have been living the script for our lives that were given to us by someone else; parents, peers, friends or the culture we live in. The time has come for us to have the courage to say no and the passion to write our own.
Creating Margin
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development, Time Management
A simple definition of margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the opposite of overload because you will have something in reserve for a time when you will need it.
Richard Swenson wrote an incredible book entitled Margin to help us learn how to restore emotional, physical, financial and time reserves to our overscheduled lives. Of all these important areas he believes everything must start with our emotional energy.
Every day we only have so much emotional energy to give to our family, work, friends and other people. Most of these people are making withdrawals from our emotional bank accounts and if we are not careful we become overdrawn with nothing left to give.
We must start each day knowing our emotional balance and then set limits on those people and things that will tend to drain us to the point of experiencing the pain of being overwhelmed. He lists several things that can restore your emotional energy:
1. Cultivate Social Supports
2. Reconcile Relationships
3. Serve One Another
4. Rest
5. Laugh
6. Offer Thanks
7. Grant Grace
8. Be Rich in Faith
9. Hold Fast Hope
10. Envision a Better Future
Some of the emotional drainers in life cannot be avoided but when you build in things that make deposits then you can routinely within your day monitor your balance and make the necessary adjustments to maintain margin.
We must find ways in this wired world we live in to have peace of mind so that we have something left to give to the people that matter the most.
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Personal Development
This is the third in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.
The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say. Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.
The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.
The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong. When people hurt us there is genuine pain involved and when they refuse to acknowledge they were wrong then the pain grows deeper and last longer.
When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things. They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.
On the other hand when someone says I am sorry and you know in your heart they don’t really mean it the situation only gets worse. They are simply trying to end the conversation and not take personal responsibility for what they did.
Sometimes in relationships the other person may own eighty percent of the blame. Our responsibility is to take ownership of our twenty percent and do the right thing and apologize regardless of how they respond.
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Personal Development
This is the second in a series of posts that I want to make about what I think is a very important subject, our most important relationships. For the people we care about the most we should be willing to make a few critical promises to demonstrate our level of commitment to them.
The first promise in the series was I will carefully listen to what you have to say. When we sincerely want to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking we acknowledge their value as a person.
The second promise is that I will always tell you the truth. The foundation of any relationship is the trust that is shared when I know what you are telling me is the truth.
Obviously, I am not talking about saying that Susan Boyle should become a model. If you meet her tell her she looks good and really mean it. However, she does have a beautiful voice and she reminded us all not to judge the character of a person by their outward appearance.
When we lie to someone it says more about us than it does about them. Not telling the truth is our way of deflecting blame and not assuming personal responsibility.
If someone tells me something that really hurts but I know in my heart it is the truth then I can still respect and trust them. When they make it up and tell me what is convenient for the moment I am the one who is ultimately hurt and they just burned a bridge that sometimes cannot be rebuilt.
Customer Service At Home
Filed under: Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development
We all enjoy the experience of some organization or person who goes the extra mile and delivers high quality personal service. In a day when most companies either put you on a phone tree from hell or only allow contact through email it is really nice when another person is simply pleasant and nice.
Mobile Travel Guide declares themselves as the gold standard of travel ratings and reviews. They rate hotels and restaurants on a system of one to five stars based on their performance. When you see their sign and there are at least three to the coveted five stars rating you know that the experience will be a good one.
Every day when we all go out into the public world of work and our daily to do list we interact with lots of other people. Most of the time, we really try very hard to be courteous and polite to others especially if they are customers, suppliers, co workers or friends. We give, give, and give to other people all day until we are emotionally spent by the time we head home.
When I evaluate my customer service rating at home I have to admit many times I would not receive even one star much less three to five. I treat the people I care about the most with the least amount of patience and kindness.
If the Mobile staff were to interview the people who are the closest to you how many stars would you receive? I am going to do whatever it takes to consistently improve my score. How about you?
Definition of Balanced Life
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development, Time Management
All of us feel like we have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. We have priorities in many different areas: our career, family, relationships, entertainment, faith and own personal life. We also fulfill many roles as employees, fathers, husbands, wives, mothers, and friends just to name a few.
Somehow we have developed this concept that true happiness and success comes when all of these areas and roles are in perfect balance. It is as if they all have equal percentages of our time, energy and passion.
Realistically we all know that is an impossible goal to accomplish. Our career alone demands a ever growing disproportionate amount of our time and if you have a newborn child in your house all bets are off including time to sleep.
To me a balanced life means that all of these areas as well as our different roles will constantly be changing in the amount of resources they demand. The critical factor is not to let anything that is important in your life be totally neglected to the point that you are now failing in that area because all of the other things have drained you to the point you have nothing left to give.
When you reach that point and we all do from time to time we must reprioritize our lives so that everything important gets its slot on our calendars. This will mean that something else will have to get less or be eliminated all together.
Believe it or not sometimes we need to not go to the new latest and greatest parenting conference and just stay at home and play with our children. Life can be crazy and its demands will change with each new day.
When you have the character and courage to assume the responsibility of leading your total life you will make sure that nothing major falls through the cracks. Enjoy your day!!
Timing Is Everything
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
In many situations leaders know what needs to be done to move forward and even how it should be done but they fail on the when it should be done question. If you try to put a major change initiative in place that is really needed but the climate for change is not urgent then a very good idea is going to die and the organization will continue to fail.
In John Maxwell’s book on The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership he talks about the Law of Timing. According to Maxwell great leaders recognize that when to lead is as important as what to do and where to go. Every time a leader makes a move, there are really only four outcomes that can result:
1. The wrong action at the wrong time leads to disaster.
2. The right action at the wrong time brings resistance.
3. The wrong action at the right time is a mistake.
4. The right action at the right time results in success.
Timing is also very important in our personal lives when we are faced with a major decision or even a relationship issue that needs to be resolved. Sometimes because we think we are right about something that gives us a blank check on saying something to the other person whenever we want.
We must say the right thing in the right way but most important at the right time. When our teenagers come home with very bad test score in tears, it is probably not the right time for the thirty minute lecture on WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO STUDY!!!!
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
We all struggle with the commitments we make either to ourselves about eating a healthier diet or to someone else about something we said we would do and simply forgot. When we want to take our commitment to the next level we start making promises.
A promise is defined as a declaration that something will or will not be done and there is assurance given and an expectation created. Promises should be reserved for the top priorities and the people we care about the most.
One promise we should all be willing to make to the people that matter is that I will carefully listen to what you have to say. As Stephen Covey said in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People we should first seek to understand the other person before we ask to be understood.
Our motives are no longer to show how smart we are, win the argument or avoid pain. We sincerely want to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling to the point we acknowledge their value as a person.
Listening involves time and a willingness to be patient until we have embraced all that the other person wanted to share. Think of at least one person in your life today that you really care about and make a promise that I will lay down my agenda for the benefit of someone else.
Are you listening?
I Incorporated
Filed under: Family Ministry, Leadership Callling, Personal Development
Many of us have some type of leadership responsibility at work. We are involved in setting goals, identifying priorities, problem solving and even casting vision. Over the years we develop a skill set that enables us to do all of these things and more.
There is a lot of culture shift taking place in the corporate world from the old days of working with one company your entire career to now almost viewing yourself as a free agent always looking for best situation.
There are many good aspects to this new reality and some that are not. This shift in expectations should never excuse us from coming to work every day and performing with excellence regardless of how long we stay in one place.
The important truth for all of us to realize is that we are The Leader and The C.E.O. of our own life. We have a responsibility to lead ourselves before we can effectively add value to other people.
We need to take this same skill set that has served us well at work and start applying the same disciplines at home.
What are the priorities and goals that you have for your life that are based on your core values?
Are they written down and do you evaluate your progress just like you would on any project at work?
Do you have a vision for where you want your personal life to be in one, two, and even five years down the road?
Someone has well said, you will be the same person five years from now that you are today except for two things, the books you read and the people you know. That is great advice for any new C.E.O. including you.
Parenting Expectations
It is incredibly important that we all have realistic expectations as parents for our children. We should want them to develop character, succeed academically, respect authority and grow in their faith.
However, the reality is they are going to fail in every one of these areas and many more on their journey towards becoming successful adults. When they do fail, we as parents must care enough to take the time to correct them for the mistakes and then encourage them to restore their confidence. They will need to learn to deal with the consequences of bad decisions and on the other hand not break their spirit so they give up on life.
Many times this process fails because we as parents have placed our own personal expectations on top of the ones we already have for our children. We are vicariously living our lives through them instead of for them.
If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that when we overreact because they fail it is partially because we have failed as well. Our own emotional needs to be successful parents have been added to the relationship to the point that our expectations for them are now totally unrealistic.
Constantly check your motives and make sure this is primarily about what is best for them and not about me. Growing up today is hard enough without them having to take on the extra burden of making us feel good about ourselves. That is our responsibility.