Shut Up And Listen

This phrase is not only the title for one of the chapters in Mark DeMoss’s book on Wisdom but it is also incredibly good advice.  To make his point he uses the confirmation hearings of Justice Samuel Alito where most senators spent almost all of their allotted thirty minutes for asking questions pontificating about their own political bias.  At the end of the day we learned very little about the new prospective judge because he had no time to talk.

Mark has many great insights in this book and on this subject he writes, “It’s safe to say that in my life I have never learned a single thing while I was talking.”  On the other hand his willingness to close his mouth and open his ears has given him a tremendous amount of knowledge from a variety of different people.

In corporate culture today the priority is on participative leadership that makes sure everyone on the team has a voice in the conversation.  For that to happen the people that used to do all of the talking have to discipline themselves to now do most of the listening.  Mark has another great quote when he says, “To dominate a meeting or conversation is not power, informed good judgment is power.”

When someone is a great listener it says several things about them.  First they are learners by nature and they seek out other people who can teach them something.  Second they are also humble because they do not always have to be the expert on everything and they are willing to be quiet and even give someone else the credit.  Finally they are relational because they want the other person to know that what they have to say and who they are as a person is important to them.

Mark believes that when a person is not a good listener, “it’s like standing on a balcony over breathtaking panorama and using the entire time to stare into a mirror.”  OUCH!!

Resolving Conflict

All of us at some point in time will have conflict and disagreements with someone else either in our personal lives or professionally at work.  These situations can be painful at times but seeking resolution is the only way to maintain positive momentum in your life.

There are at least three critical steps that you must take if you want to restore the relationship and move forward in your own life.

1.       Own Your Part—In every disagreement there are always two sides to the story.  I have never known a situation where there was not some responsibility for the problem with both parties.  If we think the other party is the major offender then we tend to wait for them to make the first move.  Instead we need to take whatever percentage of the problem is ours even if it’s minor and do what we need to do to admit it and ask for forgiveness regardless of what the other person does.

2.      Talk Person Privately—Most of the time when we are having problems with another person we tend to go to other people first and complain or try to find emotional support.  What we should do is go privately to the person who offended us first and tell them in a respectful way why we are offended and give them a chance to respond.  When we are talking about someone else to another person rather than talking to them the situation will only get worse.

3.      Give Benefit Of Doubt—When we sense that a conversation is not going well and we can tell it may hurt us we have a decision to make.  We can either assume the worst about the other person’s motives or we can believe the best.  Many times if we can give them the benefit of the doubt at this critical moment then even though it may still hurt there will be no lasting damage because we give them a pass because we trust their heart.

Coaching

If you need help in making some major decisions in your life coaching may be exactly what you need.  There are many types of coaches available from executive, life, fitness and even spiritual.

The one major thing you need to understand about coaching is that it is not counseling or therapy.  The major focus will not be your past and the things that have gone wrong but the future and how you want it to look.

Great coaches don’t have the answers to all your questions.  Their role is to help you by knowing how to ask the right questions so you can see why you may be stuck and what your options are as you move forward.

A coach might ask, What is the one major area in your life you would like to change that would improve your life?  Then, What do you want that area to look like six months from now?  Finally, What do you need to do this week to start closing that gap?

Another important aspect of coaching is accountability.  It really helps when you have someone who is on your side and offers the necessary what do you want to accomplish before our next time together type questions.

With this accountability comes encouragement that reminds you of what you said you wanted to do to change your life and gives you the confidence that you can make it happen.

My experience in using a coach was incredible.  So what are you waiting for give them a no charge to you first call and see if it feels like a good fit.

Clock Building Not Time Telling

The days of all decisions being made solely at the top with a few people involved are fading fast.  Throughout the Industrial Age of leadership during the last half of 20^th century this was the only model of leadership.  The overwhelming percentage of the workforce was for the most part simply telling time based on the clear instructions that were given for them to follow.

Today we are leading from an Information and Idea Age model of leadership.  The entire development process has been delegated to various teams so that everyone who can contribute will be involved.  In essence people are now being asked to help build the clock.

Most people think the changing role of the top executives is by far the most dramatic shift that has occurred.  In a sense of scope that may be true.  Key leaders today do not have to know all the answers to all the questions they only need to know what are the right questions to ask? 

There primary responsibility today is to make sure they have the best possible people on their team because the quality and success of the clocks they are making will determine the future success of the entire organization.

The most dramatic shift in leadership today certainly from a standpoint of scale is not at the top but in the middle of organizations.  There is a big difference in telling time compared to building clocks.  Today people are daily being asked what do you think and what would you recommend?

Many organizations are caught in the middle of this transition and seem to be stuck.  The problem could be that you are asking people who only know how to tell time to build clocks and they are not capable of making that change.  Don’t give up on clock building just find the right people who know how to build great clocks and you will be fine.

Networking

 

The old mindset was your success depends upon how many people you know.  Today the most important thing is how many people are you helping. 

The focus has shifted to some degree because of the culture created through the use of social media.  The motivating factor behind most people is how can I help others be successful by giving them information that will be helpful. 

It is just as important to be willing to ask other people for help as well.  A true network works then because of the dynamics created because of mutual need.  This in essence is the difference between someone being merely a contact in your database compared with a person in your life. 

Make no mistake; serious business is taking place here.  However, that is a natural result of working with people you like and respect and not using other people to get what I want. 

Never Eat Alone is a great book written by Keith Ferrazzi.  He hates what he calls networking jerks.  If you don’t want to come across as one here are few things he says you must never do: 

Don’t schmooze

Don’t rely on the currency of gossip

Don’t come to the party empty-handed

Don’t treat those under you poorly

Be transparent

Don’t be too efficient 

What we can do is to have a desire to genuinely add value to other people and by doing so knowing we will have made a difference.

 

Team Operating Principles

The first thing I look for in putting together any team is the right chemistry for the particular task at hand.  If the team is responsible for completing a construction project I need expertise and great project managers.  When the assignment is to create a new vision statement I want very creative people that are willing to think outside the box.

One of the best books on team building is The Performance Factor by Pat MacMillan.  He is the founder and Chief Executive Officer of Team Resources Inc. an international consulting firm specializing in organizational and team development.

Regardless of the team dynamics and the task assignments there should be some guiding principles that give direction to all teams.  The following list from MacMillan is the best one I have found and creates an environment of mutual respect that drives participation and performance:

1.       We are open and honest with one another.

2.      We treat each other with dignity and respect.

3.      We listen to and respect each other’s ideas and opinions.

4.      We hold confidences.

5.      We honor our commitments.

6.      We support and invest in each other’s development.

7.      We routinely critique our processes.

8.      We have fun.

If the team leader can model and get everyone to buy into these principles then the potential for a great outcome has dramatically increased.  When teams often break down it has very little to do with the task at hand but with the way members communicate and relate to each other.

The Window and The Mirror

I have always been an Alabama football fan since the days of Coach Bryant.  One of the things I always appreciated about him was when we lost a game he always took the responsibility in the press conference and never cast blame toward the players or officials.

According to Jim Collins in his best seller Good to Great all great leaders do the very same thing.  His team noticed this pattern in all of the very successful leaders and they called it the window and the mirror effect.

All great leaders would look out the window and give credit to other people and not themselves when things were going well.  At the same time, they would look in the mirror to assume responsibility for failure and never blame bad luck or someone else when things went poorly.

The comparison companies did just the opposite.  These leaders would look out the window to blame someone or something when they experienced negative results.  When they did get it right they would look admiringly in the mirror and take all the credit with great fanfare.

We all need to apply this lesson on a personal level.  It is always easy to justify our bad behavior when we can use what someone else said or did to hurt us as an excuse.  Assuming personal responsibility for our attitudes, words and actions is the first major step in becoming a leader who is driven by character and not by the fading recognition of the crowd.

 

Conflict Management

At times we all have difficulty working with other people especially in stress charged environments.  It is very easy especially as leader to fall into the bad habit of making negative comments about people especially when they are not present.

This type of conflict resolution will do nothing but add to the problem and ultimately destroy your leadership credibility.  When anyone hears you making destructive comments about another person who is not there, they too realize that one day they will not be there either.

The principle that I have adopted is that if I have something negative to say to another person I will go directly to them and talk about it privately.  If it is not a big enough deal for me to go and talk privately then it should not be a big enough deal to talk with others.

This one discipline has eliminated at least seventy-five percent of my need to make negative comments  to other people and almost completely stopped the destructive habit of public personal criticism of others.  Now when I do need to talk with someone about a real performance issue my motives are right and my methods are positive.

Called vs. Driven

It is very important that we all know the difference between these two power words.  If you are not careful and buy into the media’s definition of success you will be driven to get all the perks of this lifestyle.

Driven people see their career as the primary provider of their physical and emotional needs.  It gives them power, possessions, position, pleasure and all the emotional significance they want from all the outward success they achieve.

Called people on the other hand see their career as a means to a much more important end and that is impacting other people.  They get up every day on a mission to make a difference and the bottom line for them is not profits but people.

I am convinced that called people in the marketplace can be more successful in every way than their driven counterparts.  They have a passion that goes way beyond just showing up for work and hitting the numbers.

All of us have a strong desire to look back at the end of our lives and know that we have made a real difference.  That difference will not be who has the most toys but who has helped the most people.

 

Leadership 21st Century

There has been a tremendous amount of change in the area of leadership over the last twenty years.  We have moved from an industrial age to an information age to the present idea age.

People in the industrial age were primarily paid for what they did.  In the information age they will be primarily paid for what they know and in the idea age how well they think.

Add to this mix the power of technology and the rise of the ever changing and highly competitive global economy and you get the new realities for leaders in the 21^st century.

The real tragedy is that most corporate cultures today are still leading and managing from an old positional leadership model rather than a new participative one.  Under this model the leaders at the top make all of the decisions and the followers at every level simply carry out their instructions.

These old models are designed around preventing failure rather than ensuring success.  The process is trusted and valued more than the people within the organization.

This core belief about leadership results in trying to manage people with a carrot and stick mentality instead of leading them as the most valuable part of your team.

All effective leaders in the 21^st century will prioritize hiring great people and then empowering them to make decisions and take risks or they will absolutely fail in this new global economy.

 

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