Circle of Influence
Filed under: Leadership Callling, Life Balance, Personal Development, Personnel Development
Several years ago Stephen Covey wrote one of the all time best selling leadership books The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It is a book that I have read several times and refer to often.
The first habit in the book is to be proactive and take responsibility for leading our own lives. He writes, “It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values.”
One of the most practical tips for doing this on a daily basis is what he calls the circle of concern in our lives vs. the circle of influence. The circle of concern represents all the things we really care about but have no control over to change the outcome. If we are not careful we can spend most of our day here with nothing to show for all the emotional effort.
The circle of influence though contains all the things that are important to us as well but we do have the ability to control the outcome. When we focus on what we cannot control during the day that just means there were many things that should and could be done that were not.
The amazing thing about this principle is that the more you prioritize the things you can do and start accomplishing them the things you cannot control proportionally diminish in their importance.
When we are doing the things we know we should do it not only allows us to accomplish something but it also gives us the needed perspective to deal with all the things that are beyond our control.
To quote another Covey principle: WIN WIN
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Personal Development
This is the third in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.
The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say. Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.
The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.
The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong. When people hurt us there is genuine pain involved and when they refuse to acknowledge they were wrong then the pain grows deeper and last longer.
When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things. They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.
On the other hand when someone says I am sorry and you know in your heart they don’t really mean it the situation only gets worse. They are simply trying to end the conversation and not take personal responsibility for what they did.
Sometimes in relationships the other person may own eighty percent of the blame. Our responsibility is to take ownership of our twenty percent and do the right thing and apologize regardless of how they respond.
Feedback
One of the most successful executive coaches in the country is Marshall Goldsmith. He wrote a great book that I would highly recommend What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.
The simple thesis of the book is you competency and skill set is what has got you to where you are now as far as promotions are concerned. What it will take to get you where you need to be in the highly participative leadership culture of the future will be your people skills. This area is where the overwhelming majority of executive men and women hit the wall.
A key tool in helping people with people skill problems is to use some form of 360-degree feedback. This should involve superiors, peers as well as subordinates and sometimes even clients.
If you are one of the executives that clearly sends the message that I don’t like bad news and you consistently shoot the messenger who delivers it then you are probably in the dark about all your serious blind spots.
Everyone involved in the process must commit to the following four things:
1. Let go of the past-forgive.
2. Tell the truth-even if it hurts.
3. Be supportive and helpful-not cynical or negative.
4. Pick something to improve yourself-so everyone is focused more on “improving” than “judging.”
Feedback will tell us what we need to change. Then the moment of truth, Are we willing to do it?
How Much Is Enough?
Filed under: Core Values, Financial Stewardship, Life Balance, Personal Development
The one incredibly good thing about a down cycle is that it always forces us to separate what is important in life from what is not.
This is a very opportune time for you to be incredibly honest with yourself and ask the hard question How Much Is Enough? What do I really need to be fulfilled and content in my life? Take some time on this and make sure you cover every area of your life, personal, family, career, friends, faith and community.
For most of us as Americans we have never had to answer this question before. We have been told the sky is the limit and if you work hard enough you can accomplish anything you want.
I am in no way condoning anything less than your personal best in every area of your life. However, I am bringing into question a consumer driven philosophy of life that is more concerned with quantity of things than quality of relationships.
For too many of us we have been living out the script that someone else has written for us. It could be a parent, peers, corporate culture or society in general. Now is the time to write our own script that includes our own definition of success in life.
Contentment and gratitude are two incredibly important core values in life. If you do not know the answer to How Much Is Enough, then I am afraid you will never truly experience them.